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Breakup Songs

by Be Steadwell

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1.
stand alone 03:48
stand alone feel the rush of wind and sound close your eyes don't look down falling from the sky love's what makes us call this falling flight i have sinned and i have lied but i have never left your side you let me go. you let me go. this is me without you i have nothing left to do but stand alone. i stand alone. hear the thunder from the door somedays life feels like war feel the shelter of your arms the foolish hope I'm safe from harm i have sinned and i have lied but i have never left your side you let me go. you let me go. this is me without you i have nothing left to do but stand alone. i stand alone. sweet whispers of a prayer still i know. you won't be there. feel the rush of wind and sound hold my own stand my ground i have sinned and i have lied but i have never left your side you let me go. you let me go. this is me without you i have nothing left to do but stand alone. i stand alone. this is me without you i have nothing left to do but stand alone. i stand alone.
2.
precarious place let the world fall down around me i am too blind to see i am too numb to feel anything while she's gone walk around like this isn't real like this is all a bad dream and i'll wake up in the morning in her arms hmm. a precarious place to be, you know very well that she be somewhere smiling somewhere laughing happy finally, be grown up me says to me this isn't fantasy this isn't make believe. see either she wants you or she don't either she'll try to or she won't just look around you she is gone. she still. gone. let the clouds descend upon me i am too dumb to see i am too numb to feel lightening strike me down maybe i should color my hair or find a nice thing to wear and it would make her want to love me now hmm. a precarious place to be, be you know very well that she be somewhere fucking someone whoz much prettier than me grown up me says to me this is not a bad dream this is all very real cuz either she wants you or she don't either she'll try to or she won't just look around you she is gone. she still. gone. precarious place to be, be precarious place to be, be somewhere fucking someone whoz much prettier than me, be precarious place to be, be precarious place to be, be somewhere fucking someone she can trust much more than me, be. you want her to want you but she don't you want her try to but she won't just look around you she is gone. she is gone.
3.
deleted you 01:59
deleted you i'm so done. so done. i deleted you from my phone my phone my phone i deleted you from my she reconnected with a "friend" in texas so i downloaded an app to keep my ass off exes and faked my own death got all machiavelli then i trolled her on the internet a gem in my belly this girl takes too much energy, memory haunts me like a ghost on my facebook feed, insta G said she wants to take some space to be, space from me? player, please why still be vibrating my galaxy? i'm so done. so done. i deleted you from my phone my phone my phone i deleted you from my She brooke-brooke- broke up with me three weeks from the date then she told me to have "patience" but she just couldn't wait then i called, and i called and she just wasn't there she was playing in her bed like a musical chair she wasn't there when i needed her she didn't care when i needed her now she is pleading, leaving messages for me at the beep but i don't bother to listen i just press delete cuz cuz when i hear her voice i just fall apart but god damn it i still know her whole number by heart
4.
She said your name i'm afraid of your room i'm afraid of these walls they will know i'm a fool still i know i will fall in the dirt of your sheets in the ditch of your eyes wanna soak them in bleach wanna set them on fire cry myself to sleep calling out your name wishing you could hear me from a thousand miles away screaming like a siren but your spirit couldn't hear someone else was all up in your ear she said your name lies in your bed pulls on your hair push down your head nothing will ever be the same she said your name. she said your name. i'm afraid of your shit sittin' still on my shelf. i'm afraid of my hands. i'm afraid of myself. i'm afraid of your eyes looking at me that way. i'm afraid i'm a fool when i beg you to stay. cry myself to sleep calling out your name wishing you could hear me from a thousand miles away screaming like a siren but your spirit couldn't hear someone else was all up in your ear she said your name lies in your bed pulls on your hair push down your head nothing will ever be the same she said your name. she said your name.
5.
done 03:28
done i don't have the energy today to smile like im going to be ok i don't the energy no more to turn shit into pretty metaphors i don't know what i'm going to do now that i've seen this side of you i'm just here frozen and confused trying to tell myself it isn't true this isn't real this couldn't be you'd never do that to me what have you done? what have you done? what have you done? i haven't left the room in days i have lost the will to pray i have lost the will to write i have lost the will to stay all of the girls that you ran to they took away a piece of you they took away a peace of me still try to tell myself it isn't true it isn't real this couldn't be you'd never do that to me what have you done? what have you done? what have you done? i saw you in the horizon your eyes on mine your hand in mine your father and mother smiling as i take your hand in mine at the altar i saw our daughters run to the front door hold them in your arms in my arms i saw our garden overgrown with okra our hearts overwhelmed with hope i felt myself holding you through tears heard our music blooming from the earth like sunrise i saw you in the horizon your eyes on mine your hand in mine and just like that i am alone you are gone. it is done. what have you done? what have you done? what have you done?
6.
running 04:08
running got a ticket to the west coast. got myself a one way flight gonna touch down in oakland think of staying and i just might if i don't come back love if that's what i do i want you to know i'm running, running from you every time i go out now people ask me if i'm ok big city yet a small town news travels fast that way so i don't go out now don't have much to do and everyone knows that i'm running, running from you i wake up breathless as if in my dreams i've been running, running, running for miles i wake up helpless cuz no matter where i go you're always by my side i will never forgive myself for pushing you away when i needed you closer needed you to stay maybe it's all my fault all things i do maybe i've always been running running from you i wake up breathless as if in my dreams i've been running, running, running for miles i wake up helpless cuz no matter where i go you're always by my side got a ticket to the west coast. got myself a one way flight gonna touch down in oakland think of staying and i just might if i don't come back love if that's what i do i want you to know i'm running, running from you
7.
i dare you 03:40
I dare you she is 30 going on 9 skipping running wild Mary-go-round on the playground acting like a child making play dates brand new play mates sittin' in a tree spinning round we all fall down go home with bloody knees i dare you i double dare you. go find somebody new go find somebody new i dare you i double dare you. go find somebody new go find somebody new careless as a child all you do is play i have grown too old for this kind of game selfish as a child every single day i would be a child to stay she is 30 going on 13 cutest girl in school she rebels, she raises hell she's breaking all the rules slamming doors and screaming out she wants to be alone middle finger to the world she runs away from home i dare you i double dare you go find somebody new go find somebody new i dare you i double dare you go find somebody new go find somebody new careless as a child all you do is play i have growth too old for these kinds of games selfish as a child every single day i would be a child to stay aging queers reliving years of adolescence now we act like kids but we're too old to feign our innocence boyish girls with pretty curls do what they wanna do trying on misogyny and call it something new. i dare you i double dare you go find somebody new to play these games with you i dare you i double dare you go find somebody new go find somebody new
8.
new girl 03:56
NEW GIRL yesterday i met a new girl a take away a bit of blue girl looked at me like who are you girl she got a smile like ooh girl ooh girl said there something that you should know tell the girl i'm just a shadow i have nothing i am hollow i'll go deeper than i should go cuz you never loved me like that and you won't fight to get me back so i won't wait around for you girl i, i got myself a new oh yea she's smarter than you flyer, and she's taller and she's nicer than you better kisser. better baller and i thought that i should wait but i just couldn't wait to call her back and listen to her laughter tomorrow, the days after that when you left it got so ugly Now with her, i feel so lucky she don't wanna run around like you all she wanna do is fuck me now you never loved me like that and you won't fight to get me back so i won't wait around for you girl i, i got myself a new all i wanted was you you didn't want me i got a new i am ready i deserve her i am ready i am worth her i am ready i won't hurt her like you hurt me now i'm too busy to chase you now i'm strong enough to face you it was difficult to let go but it was easy to replace you I been talking to a new girl she ain't nothing like you girl you been talking to a few girls so- what you wanted me to do girl? do girl. cuz you never loved me like that and you won't fight to get me back so i won't wait around for you girl i, i got myself a new girl. cuz you never loved me like that and you won't fight to get me back so i won't wait around for you girl i, i got myself a new
9.
leo 03:11
leo cat bitches blue fish and liquorice-ez slow kisses love so delicous-is-ez yo misses sweet salt nutritious sheaza -king and kitten cute fuzzy malicious step away from the mirror lil kitten step away! is it me or did i rock this eyeliner today? is it me or did i get a lil finer today? forget a critic go on a get it you know you bae she's a leo look, look there shego not tryn' to fuck with me tho me tho go 'head and feed that ego proud mamma. sassy as a lil llama. head trauma-nasty as a prima donna so why you wanna snuggle on her pajama? hmm? why you still wanna audition for the drama? hmm? wave and wiggle, dance ya noncommital jig heart be little, taste like purple skittles kid tree hugger indiscriminate lover true love blood sucker. you vampiric motherfucker. ever since the day of your glorious birth you been god's gift to this green, green earth you selfish. you lazy. you warm, you artistic. you loyal, stubborn.... narcissistic leo not another leo... not tryn' to fuck with me tho go and feed that ego she's a leo look look there shego not tryn' to fuck with me tho go and feed that ego she got prince charm. sword and medallion she got fool's gold that rusty rapscallion hips n puddin how she sway that shit gold honey and liquor. now flambe that shit. step away from the mirror lil kitten step away! is it you or did you get a little cuter today? is it you or did you grow a fatter booty today? go on and rub it go on and love it- you know you bae ever since the day of your glorious birth you been god's gift to the universe you selfish. you lazy. you warm, you artistic. you loyal, stubborn, massocistic leo not another leo... not tryn' to fuck with me tho go and feed that ego she's a leo look look there shego not tryn' to fuck with me tho go and feed that ego
10.
11.
run in the rain fairy tales not to scale good guys win villains fail hollywood tastes so good love so sweet love that could sweet refrain let the church bells ring final frame cue the strings when our hero fills the screen someone start the rain machine and she runs in the rain in the rain away run in the rain in the rain away in the rain in the rain away from you she's gonna run in the rain in the rain away in the rain in the rain away from run in the rain in the rain away from you glowing light felt so right charming prince shining knight people take armor breaks charming prince makes mistakes sweet refrain let the church bells ring final frames cue the strings she looks around there is no one else now the hero saves herself and she runs in the rain in the rain away in the rain in the rain away from in the rain in the rain away from you oh she's gonna run in the rain in the rain away from run in the rain in the rain away from run in the rain in the rain away from you oh hey time winds down wait for you at double doors you wont burst through perfect love perfect girl nothing like the real world sweet refrain let the church bells ring final frames (as we) cue the strings swelling chords of a melody i will run from you to me i'll run in the rain in the rain away run in the rain in the rain away run in the rain in the rain away from you oh I'm gonna run in the rain in the rain away from i n the rain in the rain away from run in the rain in the rain away from you oh I'm gonna run in the rain run in the rain run in the rain run in the rain run in the rain run in the rain away from you
12.
Sage/witch two i lit a sage when you walked in cuz i have no idea where you've been what kind of energy you conjuring what kind of spells you be casting i lit a sage fellow witches whose noses got twitches dip fingertips in lavender and black lip kisses we are drawn to each other to the power, the passion but beware what awaits you through the laws of attraction there was magic in her lies, hips, kiss, her sex needed a priestess to perform an exorcism of my ex if there's one thing i lived through these hexes to tell- you should know, powerful women cast dangerous spells i lit a sage when you walked in cuz i have no idea where you've been what kind of energy you conjuring what kind of spells you be casting fellow witches, bad mystical bitches beware of the chicks too big for they britches i am one of three sisters and my sister don't play we be dancing, we be dabbling in candoblme hey. patronus charm, go get your harry potter on i don't need a girlfriend, i got myself a magic wand cuz you and the universe been throwing me shade every time you come around the planets retrograde. i lit a sage when you walked in cuz i have no idea where you've been what kind of energy you conjuring what kind of spells you be casting
13.
wake up alone there are some days it hurts to wake up there are some days it hurts to feel love there are some days it's better to wake wake up alone I miss her hands I miss her lips and no one kiss me like she kiss and no one holds me like she do but no one made me feel this blue nights i wish and days i pray but maybe I should find my way alone she knows the song that my heart beats she knows my words and melody she knew me like no one before but i don't know her anymore she's so cold when she's with me i feel like i would rather be alone i wished for how we used to be in morning light she'd smile at me thought I had nothing left to fear and the world could start and end right here i used to wish she needed me now I just wish that she'd leave me alone.

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released April 28, 2017

Mixing by Sam Honig

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Be Steadwell Washington, D.C.

Be Steadwell is a singer songwriter from Washington DC. With roots in jazz, acapella and folk-Be calls her music QUEER POP. Be's original music features earnest lyricism, and proud LGBTQ content.​

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